A Blank Space in My Head

What a great dump!

The recent way-lotza snow is really nice. But then, my work is close by and I have all the modern conveniences within striking range. On Saturday and Sunday I did a quick (and I mean QUICK) run through five different cemeteries but none were plowed so I didn't stick around waiting to get stuck in the snow. And my boots aren't exactly waterproof either.

Cemeteries have been my refuge lately as I struggle to find photographic material with the little time I have available. City sweeps are hit-and-miss, but there always seems to be something in the cemetery. The other day I saw a hawk glide in and I tried to track the bird but to no avail. I recall one Sunday morning a few years ago, driving through a cemetery, I spotted a large hawk just standing there on the ground. I stopped the car and the bird did not move. Strange. After shooting off a few shots, the bird did a lift off and it was only then that I noticed a dead squirrel in tow.

I need some photographic excitement. I also need some more time.

Detroit.

I read an interesting article over the weekend about Detroit's plans to shrink the city. The major, Dave Bing, wants to draw in some of the residents to more centralized areas to cut back on city service expenses. He has some incentive programs in mind. I recall driving through sections of Detroit, particularly on the east side, and seeing lone houses, or just a few houses, occupying what used to be populated streets. It looked like a war zone, from the loser's perspective. But that is not what the article was about...nope. Theme: bottom feeders. The story was about entrepreneurs who have been gobbling up land cheap in Detroit and who stand in the way of the city's plans to move forward. And much of the land has been carefully selected and sits in areas that are planned for development. It's not a stretch of the imagination to realize Detroit is bankrupt. Now, in order to move ahead with their plans to shrink, they will have to deal with these land grabbers who will no doubt be holding the land hostage, wanting to get rich. I know this is the way of capitalism, but something about this really offends me. It's one thing when life is in easy-flow mode but just now we're all struggling.

Detroit just ended a fleecing by it's former mayor Kwami who helped himself to quite a bit of the city's resources, but he's in prison now. Kwami was tending the store when I was roaming around the city starting in 2004 taking pictures of unbelievable filth and destruction. The city is clean compared to what I used to see on the streets of Detroit, and Mr. Mayor was helping himself, dipping into the city till. Naughty naughty, mr. former mayor. How do you live with yourself now?

I'm not a very good capitalist. I don't care about the bottom line and too often that bottom line is fed by someone else getting shafted.

I continue my quest to find time, and subject matter for some photos. There has to be something I can shoot besides dead things and Detroit, which isn't quite dead yet.

Winter Wonderland

For me, winter photography is mostly about visiting cemeteries and walking through the woods. That's the way I see it. And as of late, with personal changes in my circumstances, visiting Detroit just is not an option. I really do not mind the break, either.

Seeing the devastation wears my soul thin.

And not having much time for photography lately crystallizes my options as I can it seems I can usually find something to catch my eye in a cemetery (as long as I vary my choices in locations.) Shooting Detroit is spotty. Recently I went through my older photos, which are arranged by shooting date. I could see that I did have an occasional dry run (digitally speaking) and the shots I took were so I did not come home completely empty-handed. That's the issue with roaming shoot.

And as is my custom, I think too much on many things, and recently, while posting a comment to a fellow-Flckr, I stopped to think about what it is that compels us to take a photo. Something catches our eye. We see it, or the group of its, and our [usually] subconscious minds conjure what we guess might be a worthwhile reason to push down the shutter button. I usually do not think when I'm shooting, or at least I try not to. "Zen" is a good way of categorizing the state of mind I most prefer when out with my cameras, and is the principle reason I only shoot alone. I took friends along a few times and the yack-yack-yack drove me bonkers. That and the fact that since we were both confined to a car, whatever caught my eye was the target for both of us, pretty much limiting my guest's choices in subject matter.

I think we have inner subconscious filters that draw us to certain types of images. My themes seem to be death, destruction, and non sequitur images, things that are together in the same frame but shouldn't be.
Most of the time, I am unaware of these filters. I note that when I drive through more affluent neighborhoods with mansions and gated communities, besides keeping an eye out for the security forces who want to examine my papers and who demand a reason for my presence in the land of gold, I see nothing I want to shoot. Well, it might be interesting to contrast these neighborhoods with what I find in Detroit, but besides that, the manicured "beauty" leaves me Zen-Flat.

Back to the winter (it's hard to ignore right now with so much snow everywhere), I am totally stoked driving through cemeteries in the winter. When snow is abundant, it just adds to the isolation and beauty afield. A common theory about these days is that we are born and die alone. Why pretend it is a group effort?

I am active in cemetery groups in Flickr and that adds an appeal to my desire to post so much in this topic. You know I have an affinity for plastic flowers!

If my cemetery work does not appeal to you, come back in the spring. I'll see what I can do about rotating my subject matter.

Fuji Follies

Have you ever heard those stories of a person in an abusive relationship, who in spite of clear evidence that the situation will never improve, go back for another dose, another beating? That is the sort of relationship I have with the Fuji Corporation.

Right after I got interested again in photography, this time digital, after struggling with a 1.3MP Kodak point and shoot digital camera that was seven steps below one of those disposable one-timer cameras, I bought my first feature rich digital camera, a Fuji S5000, back in 2004. I unpacked that box with so much anticipation, only to learn that it was defective. Great a defective camera! What fun!!!

It took me three weeks to figure out it was the camera and not the power supply causing the problems, and I was able to use it...when it started freaking out, I just rebooted it and it worked okay. Sort of. Oh, I didn't mind that when I was composing a picture it occasionally went off medication and I watched the screen scroll through the various modes...auto/program/aperture/shutter/scene.

I sent it back twice and the problem was never resolved. However, I was resolved not to buy a Fuji camera again.

Instead I bought a Minolta Dimage, a Canon Power Shot S50, A Lumix FZ28, a Canon Rebel, three different Canon Power Shot SX series, and a few small pocket cameras. No Fuji. I occasionally drank Fiji bottled water (is it really bottled in Brooklyn from some guy's backyard water tap?) but no Fuji cameras. Well, one little pocket one but that was just for espionage work and it was never a serious camera.

Then last year the Fuji HS10 was announced, with 30X optical zoom. It was one of the first super zoom point and shoots. I think the Olympus might have been first. But it looked good, with a larger CMOS sensor. Zoom Zoom. I love zoom ZOOM. Z--O--O--M. I can Zzzzzzooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmm right in on the action in Detroit without getting shot or car jacked!

I watched the forums (DPReview) carefully as the nuts went ape-shit for this new camera. It hit the shores of China first and images started appearing. Looked good. 30X zoom! Then it hit the UK. More photos, and slowly at first, the posts started popping up with the theme of buyer's remorse. And the Fuji HS10's started heading for the return-department, partly due to some seller's no question asked return policies. I think once that started, returning cameras, some buyers felt obliged to follow suit and they returned their cameras as well, before they got to know it and use it.

I bought one, full retail price as I didn't want to wait. We had nil Fuji dealers so I couldn't touch/hold it before ordering one. How can a corporation as large as Fuji not have a single distributor in Michigan?

It came. I went out and shot with it and the very first time...the LCD screen cut out when I tilted the camera. How could this happen? And then the NOT AGAIN!!! feelings swelled. But if I kept rotating it and with pure thoughts, I could fire off some pictures. Besides, I didn't have a good back up camera. My Canon was not shooting straight. And besides besides, I'd have to pay to ship it back, even though it was defective before I opened the box.

Finally, last month, I sent it in. Two weeks went by and I got word it was coming back to me. Did I mention that I really enjoy shooting with that camera, that I rarely pick up my Canon and aim it into the air since I got the Fuji? I got it late last week (in spite of Fed-Ex's attempt to keep it out of my hands by playing a rousing round of 'catch me if you can' for three days) and finally...I got a chance to shoot off a few pics. I fired it up and the first thing it did...was go blank, the LCD screen I mean. Then yesterday I got a chance to use it a bit more and the more I used it, the more the screen went blank.

What's up with the Fuji company? Not only do they lack quality control on new products, but they can't even fix their own stuff?

Hmmm....that new Fuji HS20EXR is sure looking mighty good, an enhanced version of the camera I have that doesn't work properly. I wonder how Fuji engineered the enhanced defects built right into their products?

the Dead of Winter

Circumstances have caused me from taking a break from my rips through Detroit for photos of the former Motor City. One factor, though not the critical one, is the time crunch I now wade in. My time behind the lens and at the computer is very limited. If you are watching my stuff, and I am watching yours...and I have missed commenting on some of your photos (the ones I really like), it's just that I do not have the time right now.

Groups. I'm very busy in what time I have to build up some of Flickr groups I administer. And what time I do have, has me roaming through nearby cemeteries, taking photos of the dead of winter. I am particularly fascinated by the rituals we engage in regarding the dead, the grave decorations. It is really challenging to lose someone close. I struggle with those feelings myself, and not all loses are human. How people remember these loses, decorating graves with incredible care, and in some cases, incredibly bad taste. Over indulgence catches my eye. If one over does it, does that indicate the level of love and feeling of lose? (Obviously, no.)

During appropriate seasons, I visit two sites of over-indulgence. One is a Halloween display where the citizen fills his yard with thousands of dollars worth of life-size rubbery ghouls, ghosts, decapitators, etc. It's almost too much to take in, kind of like visiting a flea market and seeing all sorts of objects on the table, all askew. If it was my lawn, I think I'd set up a few really excellent scenes instead. The other over-indulgent location is one I haven't documented much in photos, a double (or possibly triple) lot filled with Christmas decor, also so randomly placed that it is difficult to create fantasy z storyline while viewing. However, when the scene is lit at night, it is spectacular, much like how a carnival looks at night.

Cemeteries are easy for me and right now I need easy.

Dead Silence

Circumstances are keeping me out of Detroit for the now. I don't mind really because I'd like to pursue other subject matter and sometimes wonder if my photos aren't doing a disservice to the city. I don't want to be the cynic who stands at the border of the city (like Eight Mile from the M&M film) flinging mud and other debris at the city, an urban area with a major hurt already. As the wealth of our nation continues to shift from the middle to the top, what happens in Detroit does have an effect on my life, personally. I'm shocked by how few people are cognizant of this, how complacent we have become, preferring to follow gossip over real hardcore news. But our corporate media fails us miserably on that account. A semi-final round of "American Idol" trumps an in-depth investigation into the corrupt illegal trading practices executed by Wall Street any day.

But I'm drifting away from my photo blog. Or am I? Isn't what churns in my mind influential of where I point my camera? Perhaps our photo galleries reveal a lot about what goes on in our inner worlds.

I was thinking about that the other day, about how I find photos...Sometimes I have a core center that influences what I look at, what catches my attention, and sometimes my visions are consciously fueled. For instance, on a certain day I may suddenly become aware of geometric shapes, or a particular color, and scan for interesting images that fit that mold. Like if the concept of 'triangle' was firmly planted in my conscious mind before I went out for a shooting session, my scan would filter in objects that fit, and I'm certain I would find interesting images who have as a key ingredient, the triangle. Or maybe an idea, like examples of contrasting the haves and the have nots (yeah, that's a theme of mine), how the rich and poor differ. I once contemplated doing contrasting images to my Detroit photos, combing the 'burbs. The wealthier burbs are well guarded and patrolled and I can get away with trolling the city for photos easier in a place like Detroit.

Well, sometimes. Then there was that time a few years ago where I was photographing out of my car in an area of the city that is mostly abandoned warehouses. Someone thought my activities were 'suspicious' and notified the police. I got a call a few days later and was grilled on a hot flame about who I was, what I was doing, what I intended to do with my photos, if I was married and working, etc. This 'interview' spanned two phone calls, probably totally at least half an hour. I wonder whatever happened to all my answers? Where did they go? Can I leave the country? Do they know about my suspicious behavior in Canada? Does Interpol have me on a list somewhere? Would a specific event trigger a visit by the police to my door at a future date? Will I be executed at dawn without a fair trial?

And the other type of photography I do is to just roam around and see what I can find. Of course, when I do that, I'm sure those filters I mentioned are influencing what I see, but this style is a bit more freestyle. I used to do that in Detroit at least three times a week, about 3-4 hours per session. That's a lot of gas, and tire repairs. And engine work. What I did was very expensive, but you can't tell that from looking at my photos.

So for now, no serious Detroit. My circumstances are different now and that just isn't going to happen.

But I still like to take pictures!

I started photography many years ago (decades even) and I'm usually comfortable shooting in cemeteries. I think such photos cause some people discomfort, confronting the concept that we all must die.

Sorry you people who like Detroit but not the cemetery.

My Fuji is back from warranty repair.

Where is my enthusiasm?

Edward Hopper in a Box

Finally, after three days of folly with Fed-Ex, trying to get my precious package...my Fuji HS10 is home. They replaced the LCD screen (it was cutting out when I tilted the camera) and hopefully is ready for action.

So now what?

I'm so out of shooting mode, I don't know where to start. My enthusiasm must have gone south for the winter. And on top of it, my life has gotten in the way. There is just so much going on, so much that siphons my energy away from what I used to do, and love most: taking pictures. On top of it, the weather is not exactly cooperating, with another grey day.

Actually, I like grey days and sometimes use them to my advantage for the types of photos I like to shoot. I have been thinking about what kind of photos I like to shoot and the painter Edward Hopper comes to mind. I am not all that familiar with his work (though I do have a bargain book about him, illustrated with a number of his paintings) and haven't been successful in delving into his life (biography), even the brief accounting in the book. As I survey his work, though, I feel a sympathetic vibration with what he painted. Over the years I have had a few comments about my photos to the effect that some of my shots have a Hopper-esque look. I agree. I like that look.

That look...is hard to capture with spontaneous candid photography, capturing people with their guard down, lost inside their thoughts, oblivious to the outside. Those are the people I see in Hopper's paintings. I unconsciously try to achieve that feeling without the people. I do note that Hopper did quite a few landscapes and images sans people. Short of hiring a model to pretend, it would damn hard to get the shot. Painting this image seems easier (assuming one has the skills to paint) because the painter/drawer/etcher has more control of the subject matter, the objects in the painting/drawing/etching and in fact can conjure ANYTHING

I would think I'd love to sit down with Hopper and have a cup of coffee. And yet, I don't think we'd have that much to say to one another.

We all live in two worlds, that of the outside and interacting with others and the environment, and our rich inner lives, a swirl of thoughts, feelings, and impulses.

Detroit sometimes looks like a Hopper painting, but with added decay and neglect. There is this common theme of alienation, something I am very familiar with in my own life as I have been walking to a different cadence than those around me all my life. For my early years, it was very uncomfortable, feeling out of step, but as I had a chance to explore my thoughts and feelings, I grew to cherish this feeling of independence, of not just going with the flow. Regarding alienation, inner alienation is the dangerous one and not where I roam.

Writing all this about Hopper is inspiring me, and now I want to know more about the man, about his life. I can start with the book I have and perhaps I'll find a flash of inspiration that will translate into photographic images.

Thanks.

A Seasoned Photographer

Autumn rules! Well, in my book. The colors, the chill, the sweet smells of rot, as the forces of Nature recede into the earth for a stay underground as winter covers the earth. Freshly crushed apple cider...autumn harvest. When I get that hint of autumn during the last days of summer, my excitement surges. Summer is a real drag for me as I don't like being hot and sweaty, and I don't like artificially controlled temperatures, I mean, AC. I also don't like how the entire everything outside is green. Green green green. All the greenness blocks my view, too. What could be more boring than taking photos in a cemetery in the summer! I've always had issues with that. But autumn kicks in, the colors really enhance what I see in the cemetery. Late fall, early winter and the leaves are gone and the environs is reduced to sticks (trees) and basic ground. The sky reappears from the screen of leaves. And the snows begin and the world is transformed into black and white. The barren landscape is fantastic for shooting in cemeteries, adding to those uncomfortable feelings that many of us feel about death, the topic we prefer not to think about until we have no choice.

Those first snowfalls are so nice, usually wet, heavy snow that subdues the sounds around.

I see the seasons as colors. Winter - white, spring - brown/green, summer - green, autumn - fiery palate.

Back to winter, the two aspects of this season that are most appealing to me are trees and the deep long shadows of the season.There's just something about the look of a barren tree!

And who knows what lives in the shadows?